The Venezuelan Diet

New, from that Utopian paradise where government controls everything and everyone is happy, comes the Venezuelan Diet. Its based on eating rabbits:

President Nicolas Maduro has revealed a plan to combat Venezuela’s food crisis by encouraging people to breed rabbits for meat, but acknowledged a “setback” when participants in a pilot project adopted the bunnies as pets.

Yes, pets with bows:

The minister for urban agriculture, Freddy Bernal, had handed out baby rabbits to 15 communities as part of a trial, Mr Maduro recounted to much laughter from assembled ministers.

“When he returned, surprise! The people had the bunnies with little bows and they were keeping them as pets,” he said.

Whoops. Can’t have that. Those dumb people, don’t they know they’re supposed to eat them! Ah, the political leaders in charge have identified the problem:

Mr Bernal blamed a “cultural problem,” explaining to Tuesday’s cabinet meeting: “A lot of people give names to rabbits, put on a bow, they take it to their house, they take the rabbit to sleep in their bed.”

But, those innovative politicians and bureaucrats have the solution! Thought control:

But, he insisted, Venezuelans must adjust their attitudes towards rabbits and see them “from the point of view of the economic war”.

. . .

Outlining his plan to reposition the rabbit’s image, Mr Bernal said “we need a publicity campaign on radio, TV, in newspapers, in cartoons, everywhere, so that the people understand that rabbits aren’t pets but two and a half kilos of meat”.

Venezuelans “have been induced to eat what interests the Empire” but needed to change their patterns of consumption, Mr Bernal said, adding that goats could also be a useful alternative to cows, while pigeon peas could be substituted for animal grain.

Okayyy. That’ll do it. See how innovative politicians and bureaucrats become problem solvers! And all with the help of sympathetic newspaper reporters, in this case Hannah Strange who calls the publicity campaign “this plan to reposition the rabbit’s image”. Reposition, how capitalistic.

All that’s needed now is a catchy video to advertise it. Here’s one. Oh wait, advertising is a capitalistic imperial thingy. Can’t have that. But it works! See how much more weight people lose with the Venezuelan diet compared to the South Beach, Atkins, and Seto diet methods?! Amazing.